The Last Night At Chinatown Fair

Every ounce of my being wants this movie to be made. I fell in love with it the moment I read the title and from what I can see from the short video this has the potential to be a real gem. Some of the best memories I have of being a teenager are of all my friends piling into my girlfriends car and spending the 90 dollars I made a week at KFC on arcade games. The Last Night At Chinatown Fair feels like a labor of love and a unique chance to see and share that moment we all have felt when something we love is lost. I know my $10 wont put much of a dent in their $20,000 pledge but its all I got man.

13 Assassins

Miike is Miike. You find him either essential or inaccessible. 13 Assassins is no different. Thankfully I find myself in the first camp and I have to say this is his most conventional and possibly his best work to date. I was lucky enough to catch a 3 day window for a pre screening special on Amazon (I suggest checking them out from time to time for cool limited release films). 13 Assassins is a classic chanbara film in the vein of Kurosawa's samurai movies or the Zutochi flicks. Like I said it's either your thing or it's not but those appreciative of solid film making will find plenty to love here. Acting, story and cinematography all come together like no samurai movie has in decades. 13 Assassins clocks in at 2 hours and 5 minutes with a 45 minute fight scene. That's right almost half the movie is an intense, just slightly over-the-top action scene, so to develop an emotional attachment to the heroes in such a short amount of time is nothing short of a once in a lifetime achievement for director Takashi Miike. By the time you get to the scene with the picture above I guarantee you will be on the edge of your seat. I literally had to stop the movie to prepare myself for the biggest fight scene I have ever seen.
I can't recommend 13 Assassins enough. It's a solid, straight forward good guy vs bad guy chanbara film that deserves the respect that Seven Samurai has earned because in my humble opinion it is the new standard. I won't go into too many details because you have to experience it for yourself.
Btw the samurai with the staff is my favorite.

Birdemic and the editing against humanity.

3 days. That's how long it took me to finish Birdemic, the single worst film ever inflicted upon mankind. Every aspect of Birdemic is horrible, the kind of horrible that can only be brought on by the best of intentions. While the entire film is completely incompetent, I felt all the problems stemmed from the editing or lack there of. There were several minute-long driving scenes with no dialogue, actors staring at the camera for 3 whole seconds (I counted) before delivering a single word response, dubbed voices that were nowhere near in sync with the actors' lips, etc etc etc. On top of that, there is the lead actor. Our hero Alan Bagh walks like an alien trying to impersonate a human being and talks like one too. I have my eye on you Alan Bagh, there will be no more pod people on my watch! The rest of the cast is forgettable. Though thankfully the guy randomly pulling out a machine gun was a high point. No words can describe the computer generated birds, just go look it up on Youtube. The audio is also atrocious with volume changing from scene to scene and sometimes dropping so low you can't hear what anyone is saying.
Every scene has a flaw, if a drinking game was made around it you would die from alcohol poisoning. The one saving grace for Birdemic is Rifftrax. Without them the film is unwatchable, thank you kind sirs. If you love bad movies this is the holy grail. I can't believe I'm going shell out hard earned money for this but I figure it's my responsibility to pass it on as a warning to future generations. Hire an editor.

I feel like I need a nap.