The Last Night At Chinatown Fair

Every ounce of my being wants this movie to be made. I fell in love with it the moment I read the title and from what I can see from the short video this has the potential to be a real gem. Some of the best memories I have of being a teenager are of all my friends piling into my girlfriends car and spending the 90 dollars I made a week at KFC on arcade games. The Last Night At Chinatown Fair feels like a labor of love and a unique chance to see and share that moment we all have felt when something we love is lost. I know my $10 wont put much of a dent in their $20,000 pledge but its all I got man.

13 Assassins

Miike is Miike. You find him either essential or inaccessible. 13 Assassins is no different. Thankfully I find myself in the first camp and I have to say this is his most conventional and possibly his best work to date. I was lucky enough to catch a 3 day window for a pre screening special on Amazon (I suggest checking them out from time to time for cool limited release films). 13 Assassins is a classic chanbara film in the vein of Kurosawa's samurai movies or the Zutochi flicks. Like I said it's either your thing or it's not but those appreciative of solid film making will find plenty to love here. Acting, story and cinematography all come together like no samurai movie has in decades. 13 Assassins clocks in at 2 hours and 5 minutes with a 45 minute fight scene. That's right almost half the movie is an intense, just slightly over-the-top action scene, so to develop an emotional attachment to the heroes in such a short amount of time is nothing short of a once in a lifetime achievement for director Takashi Miike. By the time you get to the scene with the picture above I guarantee you will be on the edge of your seat. I literally had to stop the movie to prepare myself for the biggest fight scene I have ever seen.
I can't recommend 13 Assassins enough. It's a solid, straight forward good guy vs bad guy chanbara film that deserves the respect that Seven Samurai has earned because in my humble opinion it is the new standard. I won't go into too many details because you have to experience it for yourself.
Btw the samurai with the staff is my favorite.

Birdemic and the editing against humanity.

3 days. That's how long it took me to finish Birdemic, the single worst film ever inflicted upon mankind. Every aspect of Birdemic is horrible, the kind of horrible that can only be brought on by the best of intentions. While the entire film is completely incompetent, I felt all the problems stemmed from the editing or lack there of. There were several minute-long driving scenes with no dialogue, actors staring at the camera for 3 whole seconds (I counted) before delivering a single word response, dubbed voices that were nowhere near in sync with the actors' lips, etc etc etc. On top of that, there is the lead actor. Our hero Alan Bagh walks like an alien trying to impersonate a human being and talks like one too. I have my eye on you Alan Bagh, there will be no more pod people on my watch! The rest of the cast is forgettable. Though thankfully the guy randomly pulling out a machine gun was a high point. No words can describe the computer generated birds, just go look it up on Youtube. The audio is also atrocious with volume changing from scene to scene and sometimes dropping so low you can't hear what anyone is saying.
Every scene has a flaw, if a drinking game was made around it you would die from alcohol poisoning. The one saving grace for Birdemic is Rifftrax. Without them the film is unwatchable, thank you kind sirs. If you love bad movies this is the holy grail. I can't believe I'm going shell out hard earned money for this but I figure it's my responsibility to pass it on as a warning to future generations. Hire an editor.

I feel like I need a nap.

Funky Forest

I still don't know what to say about Funky Forest other than I completely adore it. Until I can scoop my brains back into my head these next few days enjoy this dreamy little regae-ish Chinese number from my favorite scene in the movie. If you want the song just email me I'll be happy to share.

New Susumu Hirasawa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Hirasawa is always cause for celebration even if its all covers of old P-Model songs (Susumu Hirasawa's old band from the 80's)Check this radical tune out I have it spinning on repeat like its the last song in the world. Once I scrape the money to import it I'll put it up on some rar site for those who are interested. Until then enjoy!

The Vice Guide to Travel

I have always enjoyed travel shows as a fun way to kill some time. The little pristine villages of western Europe and the megalopolises of Asia have been the subject of countless documentaries and Travel Channel rehashes, and sure they are interesting but it's getting old. The Vice Guide to Travel is the answer to that and more.. Unlike The Travel Channel's filtered, squeaky clean version of reality, Vice dives straight into some of the poorest, dangerous and fascinating places on earth. Don't believe me? Just copy and paste the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whgtaMNutck.

I spent an afternoon watching The Vice Guide to Liberia and North Korea and was blown away by what I saw. I will never, never, NEVER complain about my lot in life again after watching this, especially the piece on Liberia. My vocabulary is completely inefficient to describe the crushing poverty and violence that is an everyday reality for these poor people. Maybe it hit harder because they all spoke English and could convey their suffering in my own language. Ugh. Well if this hasn't turned you off yet head on over to youtube and get your learnin' on.

Bluberella preview

It's not that I'm excited it's more like preparing myself to get hit in the stomach. The one thing that director (and I use the term loosely) Uwe Boll has going for him is that he's not Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, but then again if you can't be the best at being the worst then why even try? This is a guy who earns a living adapting video games to film and calls his critics retards, oh sweet sweet irony. Anyway if you have a few spare brain cells to kill check out this mess on its way to a bargain bin near you. Mad props to twitch.com for the heads up.

Scott Pilgrim

Damn it. I was wrong. I thought this would suck. I sat down in the back of the Ceres library looking to kill a few minutes but instead stumbled upon the best manga I have ever read, and it's not even Japanese. What I do hate is being the target demographic because this took dead aim at me and hit. Damn it. Scott Pilgrim is a fairly benign harem comedy with kick ass fights in one of my favorite fantasy worlds ever. Pilgrim's world is much like ours but with RPG elements. Bad guys drop loot when you beat them up, sword proficiency can be acquired in the 5th grade etc, etc. Something this dorky can easily come off as pretentious and alienating but it's surprisingly human and perfect for what it is. I'm kind of sad that I discovered this after the series had been completed; I would have loved growing up with these characters like I did with Harry Potter and Star Wars.

The Walking Dead

This Sunday. It's AWESOME. How awesome? Best hour of classic zombie anything this decade. This is standard zombie fare mind you, you have heard this story before but The Walking Dead is so well done that it's easily overlooked. There is no forced action or dialogue, nothing to distract from the story. Perfectly paced and genuinely scary, I was delighted to see a decent budget put to good use. These are almost Romero quality zombies and I wonder how far they can push the gore. With such talent in the makeup department it would be a shame if they never get to show off. Anywho enjoy the pics.

Crazy Lips

Crazy Lips is a foul, disturbing, hyper offensive 90 minute experiment gone terribly right. I mean I can't say that I enjoy ritualistic rape but I do enjoy blonde Japanese women toting machine guns running through the forest singing our national anthem in broken English only to be scalped moments later. Did I say enjoy? Well something of the sort. I always have enjoyed the energy of these kinds of films (Miike, Rodriquez)enough to forgive even the trashiest of their kind. Crazy Lips is the trashiest of its kind. Sure there is a plot behind the vulgarity but it's almost besides the point because it's so silly. Despite the rather low production value, there is an incredibly well choreographed fight scene towards the end that's worth the wait. The director found the perfect balance of sex and violence to create a memorable ending to a movie most would prefer to forget. Needless to say only shock fans need apply.

World's End Girlfriend - Seven Idiots

Impossible to label and from my experience completley inaccessible to everyone but the most adventerous, World's End Girlfriend has done something remarkable with Seven Idiots. This is contemporary music at its most dense and sporatic. A seemingly never ending maze of twists and turns. Multiple genres blend together with incredible ease and shocking results. Hints of electro, rock, nu jazz, classical and pop can be found in every track making multiple listens mandatory if you want to fully enjoy what this man has to offer. Oh yeah its just one guy, one insane Japanese guy. Keep that in mind if and when you listen to him. This is obviously not something you play while reading, driving, operating heavy machinery or in the company of others. Just sit back and absorb, its a lot of fun and something I should do more often.

Pizza/10, a high score indeed.

Le Couperet (The Ax)

A man loses a his job to outsourcing and after 2 years has become increasingly desperate. The shame of failing interviews and pressure from his family has brought him to the most desperate of measures. Kill everyone more qualified for the job than he is. Anyone who has suffered long peroids of unemployment (myself included) should watch this little gem because it nails that feeling of hopelessness. Perfectly.
Le Couperet reminds me a lot of Fargo in all the best possible ways. Every scene feels heavy with impending doom as our "hero" plots against his competition. Several scenes left me squirming in my seat and biting my nails just waiting for things to fall apart. To my pleasant surprise Le Couperet never falls to cliches or takes the easy way out, no this movie is as smart as a whip and had me guessing until literally the last minute. With little blood and only a few sexual references Le Couperet relies on atmosphere and story telling making it a fantastic dark "comedy" for almost any age which is a rare treat these days.
9/10

What just happened here?

One horrible movie trailer links to another horrible trailer ending up I'm guessing in one of the gates of hell. I will report back hopefully with a postcard and a patch for my mothers quilt.

Crystal Castles II

Sure its 2 months late but you never cared anyway.

Back in 2008 my dearest and oldest friend Cody introduced me to a band called Crystal Castles. From then on at least once a week (often times more) for two years I listened to their self titled debut from start to finish. Glitchy shrieking electro with a fuck you punk attitude? How could it not be awesome? Fast forward to 2010 and here I am anticipating the follow up to the most important band of my adulthood. Will it suck? How could they possibly live up to their previous work? I actually lost a little sleep over it. The album finally gets leaked (I still bought it :P) and you know what? It is AMAZING, just an eyelash shy of their last album. A bit more reserved but willing to explore their darker side, Crystal Castles finally established themselves in the main stream as one of the most cutting edge bands of the 21st century. At least that's what I tell myself as I blast through their new album again and again on my way to work casually hurling insults at other drivers for their crappy taste in music (even if I can't hear them).
The first half of the album is a beast covering more ground in varying styles and sound than most bands do in their careers. From the nihilistic drone and grind of Fainting Spells to the euphoric radio friendly Cellestia to the brutal punchy assault of Doe Deer (my current favorite)Crystal Castles delivers on all fronts. Baptism and Year of Silence finish the flawless opening which soon turns from trance-like glory to slow, dark and brooding. It all starts to feel a bit formulaic but still manages to pull out some real surprises with tracks like Intimate, Pap Smear and Violent Dreams, a song that plays like the pulse of a dying man. The main difference between their two albums are these filler songs. Their debut was filled with fun, short and catchy instrumentals while here they are replaced with dirty 4 minute grooves. It weights the album down a bit but does encourage a more thorough listen to Ethan Kath's amazing song writing skills.
If you need your music to be familiar and friendly go elsewhere. This is the future of pop and quite frankly pop has been long overdue for a face lift.

9.8/10

Sing along! DEATHRAY DEATHRAY DEATHRAY DEATHRAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In the Realm of the Senses

If you are related to me stop reading. If you are offended by explicit sexual content stop reading because In the realm of the Senses is one graphic sex scene after another. When I say graphic I mean its what prudes call porn and people like me call art. This is erotica people if you can look past and the fornicating you will discover a masterpiece of the dangers of desire. Directed by Nagisa Ôshima (Japanese Summer Double Suicide) the story is told though the sex life of a man and his mistress. Their sex directly reflects the state of their relationship as they spiral out of control. From giggly feisty love making to the dangerous and violent depths of sexual depravity. The cinematography is perfect and is what keeps this from being porn. It transforms screwing into love making and that's all the difference in the world. What really makes the movie though, what really makes this a masterpiece is not the bold content but the actors that deliver it. H-o-l-y s-h-i-t I can not even begin to imagine the kind of trust and bond Tatsuya Fuji and Eiko Matsuda had to have to do the things they did on screen. The complete dedication of the actors towards their craft is in my opinion is unrivaled. I have the most insane respect for them and that's why I blog, to make sure movies like this are watched and appreciated as they should be. If you can get over the graphic sexual content I promise you it will be one of the most important and unforgettable movie experiences of your life.

Summer of love

Life has been too busy for movies but things are never too busy for this. Never.

Japanese Summer: Double Suicide

You cant find it on Netflix and you cant find it for less than $50 on dvd. Go steal this movie and share it with as many people as possible because Japanese Summer: Double Suicide has to be seen. The plot follows a large cast of characters who all represent some facet of the directors personality. His lust, desire to hill himself and others, his longing to be good and the frustration of his youth all come to life in the most fantastic ways. You know when you have those imaginary arguments in your head where you over analyze everything trying to weigh the risk of each decision you make? The whole movie plays out like this with each of his desires interfering with each other constantly shifting the story in new and exciting directions. I was so impressed I cant really think of anything I didn't like about it other than the poor quality of the subtitles. I look forward to seeing more of Nagisa Ôshima's work and if this movie is any indication of whats in store for me that fifty dollar price tag wont seem so steep.

The next best thing to Star Wars/10

Midori - Shinsekai

Its been a long time since I shelled out for an album but if I ever want to see Midori play in the states I have to pay. Not a complaint, no band has ever deserved my money more than Midori. They are punk jazz, the only true punk jazz band on the planet and we must take care of them. Shinsekai is Midori's 6th album and is a bit of a departure from their previous work. The bands focus has shifted more towards the piano rather than guitar which is almost completely drowned out by the rest of the band. The bass, drum and piano players are monsters and they are at their peak here. Think Bill Evan's trio on crack. I would like to make special mention of Keigo Iwami the bass player. Who plays stand up bass any more? This guy, and he is unbelievable, possibly the best I have ever heard.

I get all of my Midori goodness from CDJapan.com and so should you.

Everything Is Terrible

I was so excited to get this movie I could probably have produced a patronus. Its hundreds of horrible videos chopped up into thousands of clips agressivley edited into a brain melting sh*t storm. No other way to describe it. Is it art? No, but its an impressive experiment in editing none the less. There are loads of special features that justify the $20 for the movie. All of EIT's greatest hits, 3 minute movies and music videos can be found in some of the most frightening menus ever. The whole package is such a unique experience it now holds a place next to my PAL region Vengeance Trilogy as a crown jewel in my collection. Yes that's me gloating.

DUANE/10

Mother

Great movies come from Korea and when they get a wide release in America its a fairly safe bet that they are going to be awesome. Mother is Joon-ho Bong's latest effort and its quite an improvement over his earlier films like Memories of Murder and The Host, both of which I enjoyed. There is a dark humor here that reminds me a bit of the Cohen brothers like in Fargo and A Serious Man. There are a lot of laughs but most of them come from the quirkiness of the characters rather than gags. The pacing really helps move this two hour murder mystery along with plenty of plot twists, beautiful cinematography and great acting across the board. Hye-ja Kim in particular is wonderful as the worlds most neurotic mom. There is very little here to criticize Mother is a solid film from start to finish and deserves your money.
9.3/10