The Crimson Permanent Assurance and Treevenge

The Crimson Permanent Assurance is a short film that plays before Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. On the Opposite end of the spectrum but equally as entertaining is my new Christmas favorite Treevenge. Nothing like buckets of tree on human gore to brighten the holidays. These two Short films will take up as much time as a few sitcoms so sit down, get on youtube or google and enjoy.

The Housemaid

The Housemaid is the edgiest movie from the 60's I have ever seen. Sure the acting is a bit over the top at times but this isn't your everyday melodrama. The intense subject matter and creative camera work pull you into this dark and dangerous world of infidelity and I guarantee the end will mess with your head big time. The last time an ending had me this bewildered was Down With Love. Luckily this film was saved from obscurity and restored for our viewing pleasure so expect a few grainy scenes with engrish subtitles. This a great late night movie with new found cult status written all over it. Enjoy.
7.7649/10

I found this little gem for free on http://www.theauteurs.com/. Almost everything I post on this blog can be found there so now you have no excuse for not watching great movies.

Collapse

If you are new to the concept of peak oil this movie will scare the daylights out of you. If you are familiar with peak oil this movie will scare the daylights out of you. Collapse is an intimate and engaging interview with activist Michael Ruppert on the subject of the world energy crisis. Regardless of whether or not Ruppert is a conspiracy theorist, what the man has to say is chilling. I'm familiar enough with the issue to be interested but I cant say that I'm an expert on the subject which sort of leaves me at the mercy of the two camps. If this guy is correct we are all screwed beyond or wildest dreams, if he is just a wacko I have lost sleep over nothing. Though what makes this movie so scary is that Rupert does not off come off as an extremist but a well educated and concerned citizen. Collapse will make you think really hard about the way we live and how fragile we have become as a species. I wont be shaking this one off anytime soon this is either an amazing work of fiction or the prophecy of our demise.
10/10

MELT-BANANA Lite LIVE Ver. 0.0

How do you describe a Melt Banana album to someone who has never heard them before? Pure joy or god awful noise? They aren't so much a rock band as they are an anti-personnel weapon. Melt Banana lite live ver. 0.0 is 27 minutes of rapid fire noise that can peel the paint off walls and scramble your brain. This album is a welcome return to their 2 minute blasts of noise from the mid '90s. With nothing but vocals, drums, samples and synths, it's a stripped down nasty sounding album which is just what I have been hungry for.

Moon

Sorry for the earlier Moon post I do believe it was the worst thing I have ever written in my life.

Moon is hands down the best science fiction movie in years. I wont bother talking about Moon because I don't want to ruin it. I think thats why I have spent the last 3 days trying to write this thing. Just watch it and stay away from the spoilers because Moon is much better when you discover it for yourself.
9.8734/10

Super Ghouls and Ghosts

Do you have any idea how hard Super Ghouls and Ghosts is? It take more concentration to beat the first level than any other activity I have ever preformed in my life. Its been 3 years and I'm still on level 2. I don't think I have ever cursed anything more in my entire life than this game. Still I can't rest until I beat it or have an aneurysm trying. THE WHITE WHAAAAAAALLLLLLEEEEEEE

Das Haus der schlafenden Schönen

The house of sleeping beauties is a deeply sad and erotic tale of a man coming to terms with his own death. It has been 15 years since Edmond has lost his wife and daughter in a tragic car accident during this time his loneliness and regret has eaten away at him leaving only a shell of his former existence. Troubled by Edmond's depression his friend recommends he visit a place where old men like himself can lay next to beautiful young women who will never wake no matter what is done to them.
Needless to say there is a fair amount of nudity in this film but it never came across as vulgar, just sad. Sleeping beauties leaves you with more questions than answers and that's the best thing about it. I felt that the girls represented the youth and life that Edmond could never go back to. He could touch that life, speak to it even break it if he wanted to but he could never be apart of it again, but hey that's just my take on it. The film moves at a crawl but only clocks in at 99 minutes keeping it short and powerful never losing itself in its own introverted wonderland. If you can look past the sexual overtones you will find a stark and poetic look at loneliness and mortality that's sure to keep you thinking long after you watch it.
9/10 not for everyone.

Wages of fear

Its nice to come across a movie that's over 50 years old and still holds up. That's due almost entirely to the stellar cast who's genuine bravado kept me tied to the characters until their bitter ends. The pace is a bit slow but extremely tense as each scene brings with it fear of death and injury. I'm a sucker for these little multilingual character driven gems. Its a great lazy day movie that's perfect to kill in one or two sittings.

7.9938/10

What do you do when the art of cinema hasn't progressed an inch all year?

MAKE A BEST OF/WORST OF LIST!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a bad movie year, it sucked I mean really really sucked. Don't believe me? check out this years top grossing films and tell me you don't weep for the future.

1.Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
2.Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
3.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
4.2012
5.Up
6.Angels & Demons
7.New Moon
8.The Hangover
9.Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
10.Star Trek

OK LOOK SEQUELS, REMAKES, AND RECYCLED PLOTS! (I'm talking to you Up and Hangover)
Really though what the worst thing about all of this is that in 5 years who is going to remember Ice Age or Night at the Museum? Star Trek is the best thing up there and that movie was just insulting to anyone who ever actually gave a crap about Trek. So in the spirit of unoriginality I bring you my bestoworstorunnerupapolooza 2009!!!!

The Best
1. Thirst
Easily the best movie of the year. The subtleties of direction and acting are superb as well as Wook's signature story telling weaving a darkly humorous romance that stayed with me weeks after watching it. This is the Vampire movie people should be screaming about...









2. Inglorious Basterds
I love Tarantino because even though his films have flaws they have CHARACTER (GASP) yeah who would have thought that actors should have charisma and become someone larger than life? This film went over so many peoples heads when all it was trying to be was entertaining. Tarantino has always had a grasp on this and the craft of cinema which is why I am at a loss when I try to think of a better American director. Too bad a giant talking car didn't catch fire while fighting the romulans while falling in love with a wolf boy in some African detainment camp, now that would have been hella sick.






3. Ponyo
HOLY CRAP DID YOU EVEN SEE PONYO THE SINGLE GREATEST 2D ANIMATED FILM EVER? nope you must have opted out for that chances of meatballs crap that's now filling the discount DVD bin. Good call bra because the stunning hand drawn animation just looks old... Seriously though Its a masterpiece of animation with a genuine warmth that pixar can never achieve.

THE WORST



1. Paul Blart: Mall cop
This movie was on the ass end of every joke I made for a few months. Go ahead guess the plot, go on I'll give you 10 seconds to come up with a basic premise.......... Yeah now throw in some free running extreme sports burglars and you have the movie in a nut shell. This one was just embarrassing, not one laugh, not one smile, it just hurt...





2.Year One
ssssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"Hey lets play the same characters we do in our other movies but this time lets be something like cave men!" This signals the death of all that is new. Michael Cera I can count all the times you have made me laugh on one finger, my middle finger, fuck you. Oh and last time I checked Life of Brian did all your bits a million times better so please stop for the love of any god worth worshiping, just stop.





3. Dead Snow
File this one under biggest let down of the year. Zombies! Nazis! Drunken teens in the woods! Too bad they beat you over the head with awkward horror hipsterness(hey look a new word!) Rather than try to create a horror mythology of their own the sub-par cast relies on the camp factor from real horror classics like Evil Dead in the worst possible wink wink nudge nudge sort of way. And what is with lame rock music and snow mobiles? Does anyone outside Norway think this is cool? I also wonder what do teen stereotypes taste like? Anywho leave the horror to someone else Tommy Wirkola because you sir, are a hack.

RUNNERS UP


These two get the nod because they made me die laughing and not always because they were funny.

Happy 2009