The Crimson Permanent Assurance and Treevenge

The Crimson Permanent Assurance is a short film that plays before Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. On the Opposite end of the spectrum but equally as entertaining is my new Christmas favorite Treevenge. Nothing like buckets of tree on human gore to brighten the holidays. These two Short films will take up as much time as a few sitcoms so sit down, get on youtube or google and enjoy.

The Housemaid

The Housemaid is the edgiest movie from the 60's I have ever seen. Sure the acting is a bit over the top at times but this isn't your everyday melodrama. The intense subject matter and creative camera work pull you into this dark and dangerous world of infidelity and I guarantee the end will mess with your head big time. The last time an ending had me this bewildered was Down With Love. Luckily this film was saved from obscurity and restored for our viewing pleasure so expect a few grainy scenes with engrish subtitles. This a great late night movie with new found cult status written all over it. Enjoy.
7.7649/10

I found this little gem for free on http://www.theauteurs.com/. Almost everything I post on this blog can be found there so now you have no excuse for not watching great movies.

Collapse

If you are new to the concept of peak oil this movie will scare the daylights out of you. If you are familiar with peak oil this movie will scare the daylights out of you. Collapse is an intimate and engaging interview with activist Michael Ruppert on the subject of the world energy crisis. Regardless of whether or not Ruppert is a conspiracy theorist, what the man has to say is chilling. I'm familiar enough with the issue to be interested but I cant say that I'm an expert on the subject which sort of leaves me at the mercy of the two camps. If this guy is correct we are all screwed beyond or wildest dreams, if he is just a wacko I have lost sleep over nothing. Though what makes this movie so scary is that Rupert does not off come off as an extremist but a well educated and concerned citizen. Collapse will make you think really hard about the way we live and how fragile we have become as a species. I wont be shaking this one off anytime soon this is either an amazing work of fiction or the prophecy of our demise.
10/10

MELT-BANANA Lite LIVE Ver. 0.0

How do you describe a Melt Banana album to someone who has never heard them before? Pure joy or god awful noise? They aren't so much a rock band as they are an anti-personnel weapon. Melt Banana lite live ver. 0.0 is 27 minutes of rapid fire noise that can peel the paint off walls and scramble your brain. This album is a welcome return to their 2 minute blasts of noise from the mid '90s. With nothing but vocals, drums, samples and synths, it's a stripped down nasty sounding album which is just what I have been hungry for.

Moon

Sorry for the earlier Moon post I do believe it was the worst thing I have ever written in my life.

Moon is hands down the best science fiction movie in years. I wont bother talking about Moon because I don't want to ruin it. I think thats why I have spent the last 3 days trying to write this thing. Just watch it and stay away from the spoilers because Moon is much better when you discover it for yourself.
9.8734/10

Super Ghouls and Ghosts

Do you have any idea how hard Super Ghouls and Ghosts is? It take more concentration to beat the first level than any other activity I have ever preformed in my life. Its been 3 years and I'm still on level 2. I don't think I have ever cursed anything more in my entire life than this game. Still I can't rest until I beat it or have an aneurysm trying. THE WHITE WHAAAAAAALLLLLLEEEEEEE

Das Haus der schlafenden Schönen

The house of sleeping beauties is a deeply sad and erotic tale of a man coming to terms with his own death. It has been 15 years since Edmond has lost his wife and daughter in a tragic car accident during this time his loneliness and regret has eaten away at him leaving only a shell of his former existence. Troubled by Edmond's depression his friend recommends he visit a place where old men like himself can lay next to beautiful young women who will never wake no matter what is done to them.
Needless to say there is a fair amount of nudity in this film but it never came across as vulgar, just sad. Sleeping beauties leaves you with more questions than answers and that's the best thing about it. I felt that the girls represented the youth and life that Edmond could never go back to. He could touch that life, speak to it even break it if he wanted to but he could never be apart of it again, but hey that's just my take on it. The film moves at a crawl but only clocks in at 99 minutes keeping it short and powerful never losing itself in its own introverted wonderland. If you can look past the sexual overtones you will find a stark and poetic look at loneliness and mortality that's sure to keep you thinking long after you watch it.
9/10 not for everyone.

Wages of fear

Its nice to come across a movie that's over 50 years old and still holds up. That's due almost entirely to the stellar cast who's genuine bravado kept me tied to the characters until their bitter ends. The pace is a bit slow but extremely tense as each scene brings with it fear of death and injury. I'm a sucker for these little multilingual character driven gems. Its a great lazy day movie that's perfect to kill in one or two sittings.

7.9938/10

What do you do when the art of cinema hasn't progressed an inch all year?

MAKE A BEST OF/WORST OF LIST!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a bad movie year, it sucked I mean really really sucked. Don't believe me? check out this years top grossing films and tell me you don't weep for the future.

1.Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
2.Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
3.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
4.2012
5.Up
6.Angels & Demons
7.New Moon
8.The Hangover
9.Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
10.Star Trek

OK LOOK SEQUELS, REMAKES, AND RECYCLED PLOTS! (I'm talking to you Up and Hangover)
Really though what the worst thing about all of this is that in 5 years who is going to remember Ice Age or Night at the Museum? Star Trek is the best thing up there and that movie was just insulting to anyone who ever actually gave a crap about Trek. So in the spirit of unoriginality I bring you my bestoworstorunnerupapolooza 2009!!!!

The Best
1. Thirst
Easily the best movie of the year. The subtleties of direction and acting are superb as well as Wook's signature story telling weaving a darkly humorous romance that stayed with me weeks after watching it. This is the Vampire movie people should be screaming about...









2. Inglorious Basterds
I love Tarantino because even though his films have flaws they have CHARACTER (GASP) yeah who would have thought that actors should have charisma and become someone larger than life? This film went over so many peoples heads when all it was trying to be was entertaining. Tarantino has always had a grasp on this and the craft of cinema which is why I am at a loss when I try to think of a better American director. Too bad a giant talking car didn't catch fire while fighting the romulans while falling in love with a wolf boy in some African detainment camp, now that would have been hella sick.






3. Ponyo
HOLY CRAP DID YOU EVEN SEE PONYO THE SINGLE GREATEST 2D ANIMATED FILM EVER? nope you must have opted out for that chances of meatballs crap that's now filling the discount DVD bin. Good call bra because the stunning hand drawn animation just looks old... Seriously though Its a masterpiece of animation with a genuine warmth that pixar can never achieve.

THE WORST



1. Paul Blart: Mall cop
This movie was on the ass end of every joke I made for a few months. Go ahead guess the plot, go on I'll give you 10 seconds to come up with a basic premise.......... Yeah now throw in some free running extreme sports burglars and you have the movie in a nut shell. This one was just embarrassing, not one laugh, not one smile, it just hurt...





2.Year One
ssssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"Hey lets play the same characters we do in our other movies but this time lets be something like cave men!" This signals the death of all that is new. Michael Cera I can count all the times you have made me laugh on one finger, my middle finger, fuck you. Oh and last time I checked Life of Brian did all your bits a million times better so please stop for the love of any god worth worshiping, just stop.





3. Dead Snow
File this one under biggest let down of the year. Zombies! Nazis! Drunken teens in the woods! Too bad they beat you over the head with awkward horror hipsterness(hey look a new word!) Rather than try to create a horror mythology of their own the sub-par cast relies on the camp factor from real horror classics like Evil Dead in the worst possible wink wink nudge nudge sort of way. And what is with lame rock music and snow mobiles? Does anyone outside Norway think this is cool? I also wonder what do teen stereotypes taste like? Anywho leave the horror to someone else Tommy Wirkola because you sir, are a hack.

RUNNERS UP


These two get the nod because they made me die laughing and not always because they were funny.

Happy 2009

facepalm

So yesterday I'm listening to a discussion on N.P.R about holiday movie sales when some expert declares that DVD is dead, blu-ray is floundering and direct download could be the "wave of the future". Funny enough prices were blamed for the slow sales. . . really . . . No blame was put on Hollywood for cranking out gems like Paul Blart Mall Cop, The Knowing, Old Dogs and another shit street fighter movie. I really find this hilarious as a movie fan. I pay for movies, lots of movies but only something I feel is worth my hard earned cash and I don't think I'm alone in that sentiment. So go ahead and keep cranking out remakes and sequels banking on nerd culture to bail you out Hollywood, its only a matter of time until the internet eats you.

Patriotism

Patriotism is a brutal short film about a Japanese officer choosing to take his own life rather than betray his emperor and his friends. The silent black and white film quickly turns from sad but beautiful to horrifying and bloody. Clocking in at only 29 minutes, Patriotism is a captivating look at the Japanese perspective of death and duty and definitely not for the squeamish. In the time it takes to watch a sitcom you can witness a kind of film making that as not been seen in decades. Very very powerful stuff.

10/10

Korean western?

I hate action movies and even more than that I hate westerns but holy crap I loved this movie. Sitting at the polar opposite of flicks like 3-iron and In Between Days The Good, The Bad, and The Weird is a beast of Korean cinema. Do you like guns? This movie has them in spades. Do you like a good chase scene? This movie is one long chase scene. Do you hate Michael Bay? Hey me too and this is the kind of movie that puts him to shame. I was really surprised at how beautiful and fun to watch T.G.T.B.T.W was. Every location was brimming with colors and sound not to mention some of the coolest long shots I have ever seen. The action felt a lot like Ong-Bak but with guns while the music was perfect and really kept the energy following during some of the more tedious action sequences. The only problem I had with this movie was the exhausting amount of fighting but that's more about my personal taste than a criticism. Get it, watch it with friends and prepare for the new standard of action movies.

9/10 For sheer awesomeness

Planet Roll Call!!!

I just stumbled across Susumu Hirasawa's new album Planet Roll Call... No words are adequate I'm just in love. I would like to think everyone has a band, song or musician that moves them in such a way that's positive and life affirming.


Enjoy

Quiet Family

I love my library. Their foreign film selection rivals that of the Internet and tops it in terms of quality. That being said 9 times out of 10 I have no idea what I am getting myself into because their movie list is usually in a different language.

Little did I know that I had ordered this great little horror comedy debut from the director of A Tale of Two Sisters, one of my favorite movies ever. The beginning feels a lot like The Happiness of the Katakuris (it predates Katakuris by 3 years), a dysfunctional family buys a lodge in the mountains and hilarity ensues as the guests keep dying and the family struggles to hide the bodies in the surrounding area. The film successfully transitions from silly to intense and has a pretty awesome soundtrack. Quiet Family borderlines on greatness, its well made and the acting is great it just lacks the kind of punch I need in a horror or comedy.
7.983/10
Sorry for the poor quality of this review my girlfriend is trying to feed me her left over breakfast and I don't want it... I mean I'm just not in the mood for peanut butter toast you know?

Another musical side note this time with VIDEO!!!!!!

I just picked up Astor Piazzolla's Tango - Zero Hour

possibly my favorite cd next to my copy of Vivaldi's The Four Seasons, seriously its that good.

In between days

Similar to the works of Kim ki-duk, So Young Kim's In Between Days is another classic example of quiet Korean cinema. With no soundtrack and limited dialogue this movie is an amazing work of loneliness and isolation. The film follows the awkward but very lovable Aimie, a Korean immigrant who speaks very little English and has only one friend, a boy who she is completely infatuated with. The chemistry between the two is wonderful, there were times I actually forgot they were actors not high school kids. That being said the main theme of the movie is loneliness so don't expect any gags or action. The film's stark realism leaves it feeling a bit dry towards the end but I felt that it served the purpose of the film well. I really felt a connection with Aimie and her troubles and towards the end I just wanted to be her friend. I know that sounds kind of silly but any movie that makes me feel this level of empathy towards its characters deserves a solid recommendation.

Killing time

It will be another day until I get some better movies so until then . . .

Week end

So, week end eh? How is it that something this bat shit insane has never come up on my radar? This film can not be categorized nor can it be compared to anything. Seriously this film is nuts each scene is a self contained nightmare of sex, violence and whimsical nonsense. A true work of art albeit a pretentious one but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The spontaneous chaos is sometimes startling and at all times confusing. That's right its one of those movies, the kind that leaves you lost in the best possible way. The director never had a narrative more like a palette of ideas. Its hard to watch, its chaos is orchestrated with such theatrical zeal that its impossible to look away. Even the agonizing traffic scene which felt like an endurance test held my attention every second. They really don't make movies like this anymore, none that are this much fun and equally appalling. There are so many little things to describe like Godard's use of text and music that talking or reading about it does no justice. Viewer beware though it will offend everyone and anyone you watch it with. Its just the kind of movie people hate and fans of the movie can totally understand why. Its also the kind of movie I can see myself forcing upon people because not having anyone to talk to about this is going to drive me insane.

God tier

Musical side note

You kids dug on Them Crooked Vultures yet? It's Dave Grohl on drums Josh Homme on guitar and vocals and John Paul Jones on the bass. It's pretty groovy like if Q.O.T.S.A was a relaxed jam band. You can find it on here on mediafire
http://www.mediafire.com/?ki5myng2ywh
Don't feel bad its just a live recording (beware of screaming girls) the studio album will come out later this year.

This is how I spend my Halloween

It's a little late to say "Park Chan who?" in this day and age but what the heck, Park Chan Wook is in my opinion one of the best directors in the business today. There has been so much said about the vengeance trilogy that his first major feature J.S.A is mostly ignored, a wrong I am trying to correct. This is by far his most approachable work. The vengeance trilogy dealt with extreme emotions with gorgeous intensity but J.S.A is an intense a beast in a more human and heartbreaking way. The film takes place on the DMZ between North and South Korea following soldiers on both sides. Make no mistake about it this is a character driven tragedy not the political thriller it was sold to American audiences as. The best thing about this movie is that cultural barriers are almost non existent, J.S.A is about the struggle between duty and compassion and the consequences of fear and ignorance. I love this film, love love love it . You hear that? 3 loves, now if that's not a recommendation I don't know what it.

Tierische Liebe

My first thought when i picked up this movie was,
"Jesus Christ why is there bestiality porn on the library shelf?" Well the back of the DVD was pretty vague and said it only ran for about 70 minutes. Like the unsuspecting family wandering into rabid bear infested wood I sat down to watch what can only be described as art. Not oh wow that's so pretty art or oh man this person is so talented art. I was blasted with the strangest scariest depressing Europeans ever seen on film. Oh yes its called animal love but its true focus is the bizarre relationships that form around these very lonely pet owners. Remember when I said this thing clocked in at 70 minutes? That was a blatant lie it dragged and I mean dragged on for a little over 2 hours. I swear to god towards the end you are staring into flashing lights while some Austrian woman and her dog stare back at you. A total mind fuck pushing the limits of film and sanity I have to recommend this for the singularly unique spiral into dementia. This was my first Ulrich Seidl film and I look forward to the next.

Shock film fan: 8/10
Everyone else: ?

Night of the creeps

Oh night of the creeps, yours is the template for literally thousands of unworthy horror "films'. Whether it be a fast talking detective who plays by his own rules, the lovable dork getting the girl, or that said girl torching infected frat boys with a flame thrower. Is it just me or does 1986 seem like the dark ages from this side of the information age? Holy shit that's the year I was born... Any who this little 80's horror gem is the kind of flick only horror fans will watch and that's a shame. This movie just begs to be watched with friends and beer. Its so delightfully bad and at times equally good, good of course being up for debate. Any film where a prom couple fights side by side, blowing off heads and then lighting them on fire is a fucking winner in my book. Sure you have to get through some awkwardness but it's lovable rather than trashy. The acting is sincere (minus the frat boys) and the horror/gore/action while sparse holds up fairly well and is just a blast.
Horror and B movie fan 8.5/10
Everyone else 6/10
Similar films: Slither

Kicking it off with Onibaba

Even without multimillion dollar budgets Japanese directors like Hiroshi Teshigahara, Kurosawa and Kaneto Shindô manage to do what all those dollars can not. Make a film human. Kaneto Shindô's film drips with raw human emotion. The characters lust and desperation are tangible and terrifying.The sound in this movie is key; whether it be the eerie silence of the wind whispering in the grass, or Hikaru Hayashis psychedelic free jazz it always adds the perfect sinister edge. The swaying grass fields perfectly depict the torment of emotion as the 3 main characters struggle for even the most simple of lifes pleasures.
There are these few magnificent scenes were the camera peaks trough the tall grass, allowing us to join in on private matters. I always got this feeling of being watched and hunted. The dark eroticism burns up the screen in a way that transcends all cultural barriers.Extremely claustrophobic, this is a dark little gem of human fears and desires. Acting, lighting, setting, and story at its best.
9.8/10
Similar films: Woman in the Dunes
IN MY PERSONAL TOP 10

P.S. This is my first time writing in a long time so I hang on my writing will improve! (depending on my beer intake)